Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
