My liver just broke up with me...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
