So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
