Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
