i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
