I cut my penus on the lid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
