I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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