Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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