That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
