It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
