You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
