I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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