you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
