It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
