try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
