I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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