never play flip cup with pint glasses
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
