did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
