oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
