I'm eating all of the evidence.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
