Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
