Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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