Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
