I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You can't motorboat a personality
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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