I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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