UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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