I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
