you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
