You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
