he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
