Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
