i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
