dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Panties = found
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
