I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
