do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
