I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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