I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
