If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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