He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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