We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone came in the potted fern
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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