just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
