why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
