I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
