I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
