Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
