So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
did i just pee glitter
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
