we're blogging at a bar
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
