I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
