worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
