I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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