I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he shaved USA in his pubs
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
