She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
