hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
