Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
