her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
