Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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