yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't notice because vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
