it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
